Trial Runs for Co Parenting and Shared Parenting Arrangements

Divorce isn’t just about dividing assets or signing papers—it’s about rebuilding lives, especially when children are in the picture.  Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of helping families navigate this transition, and one of the most effective strategies I’ve seen is trial runs for co-parenting. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Let me walk you through why trial runs can make a difference for you and your family.

Why trial runs matter

Imagine trying out a schedule  while still living in the same house. It’s like test-driving a car before buying it—you get to experience the realities of co-parenting without making a permanent decision.

When clients live together during separation, I often encourage them to practice schedules. For example, if they’re considering an equal  parenting arrangement then they can try alternating responsibilities for school drop-offs, meal prep, and bedtime routines while still under one roof. It helps them understand what the arrangement will look like in reality.

One couple I worked with was initially resistant to the idea of shared parenting. The mother, who had always been the primary caregiver, doubted whether her ex could manage their children’s routines. But after a month of trying it out while living under the same roof, she saw things differently. She realized she could work late two nights a week knowing her ex was handling everything. It gave her a new perspective and reduced her resistance to an equal  schedule.

This process not only helps parents assess feasibility but also reassures children that both parents are still there for them—even if life is about to look different. Adjusting Expectations

Trial runs aren’t about proving who’s right or wrong—they’re about learning and refining the plan together.

Trial runs help both parents understand their capacity and the challenges of particular schedules.  It’s a way to test whether a schedule iis feasible without making permanent decisions. It also gives children time to adjust to new routines, which can ease the transition when parents eventually move into separate households. Since there are a number of schedules, this also allows everyone time to fine tune the schedule that is in the children’s best interest.

Parents often enter trial runs with preconceived notions about their strengths and weaknesses. A father in one of our cases assumed he’d manage mornings with ease—until reality hit. Handling breakfast, homework checks, and drop-offs was overwhelming. But instead of giving up, he and his ex adjusted their schedule: he focused on evening activities, where he thrived as his work demands made mornings a big pressure point. They opted not to do an equal arrangement but both felt this would allow each parent quality time with the children while balancing the demands of work life.

These small refinements make co-parenting sustainable in the long run.

Supporting your kids through the process

For children, consistency is everything. Trial runs allow them to adjust to a new routine gradually, so the transition to two homes feels less abrupt.

When parents practice shared parenting in the same house, it’s not just beneficial for them—it’s also a gradual way for children to adapt. If a three-year-old has only been tucked in by one parent, for example, a trial run allows the other parent to step in and build that connection without overwhelming the child.

I worked with a family whose young daughter struggled with the idea of having two homes. To ease her into the change, both parents kept her bedtime rituals identical in both households—reading the same bedtime story, using the same/or similar) stuffed animal, and maintaining a familiar routine. These small but powerful actions reassured her, making the transition smoother.

Kids are resilient and can adapt to different routines in two households, but it helps if they’ve already experienced those routines beforehand. Trial runs give children a sense of consistency even during a period of significant change.

Navigating challenges & conflict resolution

Let’s be honest: trial runs don’t always go smoothly. But that’s the whole point—they reveal potential issues before they become permanent problems.

If things don’t go smoothly during a trial run, that’s okay. It’s a learning process. With open communication you will likely agree on parenting practices. You may also decide to use a neutral third party, like a mediator, to work through disagreements and identify solutions. This ensures the trial remains productive rather than becoming a source of conflict.

For example, one family realized their alternating-weekend schedule wasn’t working because of their teenager’s demanding sports commitments. Instead of arguing, they used the trial run as an opportunity to test a hybrid schedule. They added midweek dinners with the alternate parent, which turned out to be a much better fit.

Trial runs allow you to identify these conflicts early and find solutions before they cause unnecessary stress for your family.

Building a framework for trial runs

A trial run works best when expectations and boundaries are clearly defined. One method that works well is informal nesting, where parents take turns being the primary caregiver while still sharing a home. When it is not one parent’s parenting time, they may choose to stay with family or friends to allow space for the other parent to establish routines with the children. The term nesting, whereby the children remain in the nest and the parents alternate being in the house, is a voluntary short-term arrangement that can be beneficial.

This approach provides space and grace for both parents and children.

Think of it as a dress rehearsal before making long-term decisions. Like with a new job, trial runs give everyone a chance to learn, adjust, and understand what will work in the long term. It’s an opportunity to refine your parenting plan before committing to it.

By setting clear goals and staying open to adjustments, you’ll create a smoother transition for your family.

Moving forward

Trial runs aren’t just about logistics—they’re about building a collaborative co parenting relationship based on trust, mutual respect, and flexibility. They give you space to learn, adapt, and grow into your new roles as co-parents before committing to a permanent arrangement.

If co-parenting feels overwhelming, start small. Take it one step at a time. Begin with an alternate weekend trial run. You might be surprised by how much it helps. After all, this isn’t just about getting through the divorce—it’s about making co parenting work and creating a co parenting relationship that supports your children and allows everyone to thrive.

At Fairway Divorce Solutions, my team and I are here to help you navigate the divorce mediation process with empathy and expertise. Our Nurtured Children’s Plan™ is an important part of the process, and will result in a healthy co parenting arrangement.

FAQs:

What is a trial run in coparenting?

A trial run in co-parenting allows separated parents to test schedules and responsibilities  while still living together. It helps both parents and children adjust to new routines, identify challenges, and refine a coparenting relationship before making long-term commitments.

How can a trial run benefit my children?

Trial runs provide children with consistency and a gradual transition into shared parenting routines. They allow kids to adapt to changes with both parents present, reducing anxiety and fostering a sense of security.

What if conflicts arise during a trial run?

Conflicts during trial runs are normal. They offer an opportunity to address disagreements early and find solutions collaboratively. Involving a mediator will help resolve issues and ensure the process results in a healthy parenting agreement and co parenting plan.

How long should a co-parenting trial run last?

The length of a trial run varies depending on the family’s needs, but it typically lasts a few weeks to a couple of months. This time frame provides enough experience to evaluate what works and make adjustments to the parenting plan.

Can a trial run help if one parent hasn’t been involved much in caregiving?

Yes, trial runs are an excellent opportunity for both parents to develop new skills and share caregiving responsibilities. They provide a safe space for less experienced parents to build confidence and strengthen their bond with the children.