Fairway Divorce Solutions :: Children and Parenting

If you are going through a divorce or separation, chances are one question weighs on you more than anything else: "Will my kids be OK?"

The short answer, supported by decades of research, is that most children can and will adjust well after their parents separate, especially when conflict is low and parenting arrangements are clear and stable. Canadian family law centres every decision about children on a single principle: the best interests of the child.

This page explains what research says about the impact of divorce on children, how parenting is decided in Canada, what co-parenting really looks like in practice, and some of the most common myths that cause parents unnecessary worry. The goal is to inform you so you can make the best possible decisions. Every family is different, and so is every child.

How divorce can affect children

Understanding how children typically respond to separation is one of the most helpful things a parent can do. It does not mean your child will necessarily go through a difficult period, it means you can recognise what is normal and respond early.

Short-term reactions

Children react differently depending on age, temperament, and how much conflict they are exposed to. Here is what research commonly shows:

Ages 0–5: Very young children cannot put words to their feelings, but they absorb the emotional atmosphere around them. Clinginess, separation anxiety, sleep disruptions, and regression in milestones (bedwetting, thumb-sucking) are common. Preschoolers often believe they caused the divorce and may fear being abandoned by both parents.

Ages 6–12: School-age children tend to feel caught in the middle. Loyalty conflicts and feeling torn between two parents are common at this stage, along with sadness, guilt, anger, and difficulty concentrating at school. Some children try to reconcile their parents or take on a caretaker role for a younger sibling or a struggling parent.

Teens (13–18): Adolescents may respond with anger and withdrawal. Some pull away from the family altogether; others act out through risky behaviour, academic decline, or early experimentation with substances. Teens often question whether lasting relationships are possible and may become prematurely independent.

These short-term reactions are normal. They are not a sign that you have ruined your child's life. Most adjustment issues resolve within two to three years, and the first year after separation is typically the hardest.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Parenting After Separation

Long-term outcomes

The research on long-term outcomes is nuanced, and more reassuring than many parents expect. Most children of divorced parents grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults. The key factor is not whether a divorce happens, but how it happens.

Children are more likely to thrive when conflict between parents is low, when they maintain strong and stable relationships with both parents, and when parents cooperate on routines, school, health decisions, and activities. The risks go up when parental conflict is ongoing and intense, when one parent disappears from the child's life, or when children are drawn into adult disputes and asked to take sides.

So in short, it is not divorce itself that harms children, but rather ongoing conflict and instability. Children in low-conflict separations usually fare better than children in high-conflict intact families.

Source: Canadian Journal of Family and Youth — Research on Divorce Outcomes

What helps children cope

Across the research, a handful of protective factors appear again and again:

Predictable routines give children a sense of safety, e.g. homework time, bedtime, weekend activities, and regular time with each parent.
Honest, age-appropriate communication is very important. Children need to hear, clearly and often, that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them.
Shielding children from adult conflict, financial disputes, and legal drama makes a measurable difference in their mental health and emotional well-being.
Access to support can help children process feelings they may not yet know how to name. That support could come from school counsellors, a trusted family member, a child therapist, or community programs.

One of the most important things a parent can do is manage their own mental health. Children are highly attuned to their parents' emotional state. When you are coping well, they feel safer.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Making Plans: A Guide for Parents

Key legal concepts – parenting after divorce in Canada

Canadian family law went through significant changes in March 2021 when amendments to the Divorce Act came into force. The old language of "custody" and "access" was replaced with terms that better reflect how parenting actually works after separation.

Parenting time vs. decision-making

Parenting time refers to when children are physically in each parent's care. This replaced the older term "access." It covers the day-to-day schedule: which nights, weekends, holidays, and vacations children spend with each parent.

Decision-making responsibility refers to who has authority over major decisions about the child's life, such as health, education, religion, and significant extracurricular activities. This replaced the older term "custody." Routine, day-to-day decisions (meals, bedtime, what to wear) are made by whichever parent the child is with at the time.

Source: Ontario — Parenting Time, Decision-Making Responsibility and Contact

Types of arrangements for decision making

Shared decision-making: Previously this was called shared custody, and means both parents share authority over major decisions. This is the most common decision making arrangement in Canada, with approximately 53% of separated parents sharing custody.
Sole decision-making: One parent holds authority over major decisions. This is generally considered only in specific circumstances such as severe conflict, safety concerns, or when one parent is unable or unwilling to participate in decision-making. The other parent typically still has parenting time.

Types of arrangements for parenting time

Shared parenting time: each party has at least 40% of the parenting time.
Primary parenting: one party has more than 60% of parenting time.
Split parenting: each party has primary care of at least one child. This is uncommon and used carefully, only when it serves the best interests of each individual child.

Sometimes you may also see primary parenting for one child and shared parenting for another.

Source: Family Law in BC — Guardianship, Decision-Making and Parenting Time

Communication

Parallel parenting: In high-conflict situations where direct communication between parents creates harm, each parent operates independently during their own parenting time. In this custody arrangement, communication is limited to written channels and a highly detailed parenting plan governs logistics. This protects children from being caught in the crossfire.

Best interests of the child

Every parenting decision in Canadian family law is anchored to the "best interests of the child" standard. Under Section 16 of the Divorce Act, courts consider factors including the child's physical, emotional, and psychological safety; their need for stability; the history of care and who has been the primary caregiver; the nature and strength of each parent's relationship with the child; each parent's ability to meet the child's needs; any history of family violence or abuse; and the child's own views and preferences, depending on their age and maturity. In British Columbia, additional factors under provincial legislation such as guardianship are also considered. No single factor is decisive — courts look at the full picture.

Source: Centre for Public Legal Education Alberta — Best Interests of the Child

What is co-parenting?

Definition and goals

Co-parenting is the ongoing, cooperative sharing of parenting responsibilities by two separated or divorced parents. It means both parents remain actively involved in their child's life and work together as parenting partners to meet their children's needs, even when they’re not a couple anymore.

The core goals of co-parenting are stability in routines across both homes, consistent rules and expectations where possible, and respectful, child-focused communication. Successful co-parenting does not require friendship. It requires mutual respect, a willingness to put your child's needs ahead of unresolved conflict, and a commitment to keeping adult issues separate from parenting issues. Many co-parenting relationships function more like a professional partnership: business-like, reliable, and focused on the shared project of raising a healthy child.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Making Plans: Parenting Arrangements

When co-parenting works best

A cooperative co-parenting relationship is more likely to succeed when conflict is moderate to low, when both parents can separate their own feelings about the relationship from their parenting role, and when there is a genuine willingness to compromise and uphold agreements. It also helps when both parents view the co-parenting arrangement as something that will evolve over time: what works when your child is four may need to change when they are fourteen. Flexibility, effective communication, and a willingness to revisit agreements are part of what makes co-parenting sustainable.

Practical co-parenting strategies

The day-to-day reality of co-parenting is less about theory and more about habits. Here is a co-parenting tip that experienced family professionals return to again and again: treat your co-parenting relationship like a business partnership, not a personal one.

Communicate with purpose

Keep conversations child-focused and respectful. Use written channels (email, a shared calendar, or a dedicated co-parenting app) so there is a clear record and less room for misunderstanding. Effective communication between co-parents is about clarity, not warmth.

Agree on the essentials

Build shared expectations around school routines (homework, parent-teacher meetings), health and medical decisions (vaccinations, appointments, mental health support), extracurriculars and transportation, and household basics like bedtimes, screen-time guidelines, and general discipline principles. You do not need to adopt the same parenting style in every detail, but agreement on the big things gives children stability. Consistent rules across both homes help children feel secure, even when the homes themselves are different.

Plan ahead for the hard dates

Holidays, birthdays, and special events can become stressful events if they are not planned well in advance. Address them in your parenting plan so there are fewer last-minute conflicts. Make sure you include a visitation schedule for school breaks and long weekends.

Set firm boundaries

Do not criticize the other parent in front of your child. Avoid using children as messengers or asking them to report on the other household. Keep financial disputes, new relationships, and legal matters out of your child's earshot. These boundaries are not optional extras but a necessity to protect your child from the effects of adult conflict.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Parenting Plan Guide (PDF)

"Full custody" and when sole decision-making is considered

What parents mean by "full custody"

"Full custody" is one of the most commonly used and most commonly misunderstood phrases in child custody discussions. Most parents who say they want "full custody" mean one of two things: they want their child to live with them most of the time, or they want the final say on major decisions.

In Canadian family law, what they are describing is usually sole or primary decision-making responsibility combined with the child's primary residence. The term "custody" still appears in everyday conversation (and in many online searches), but legally it has been replaced. Understanding this distinction matters because it shapes how the family court evaluates requests and how parenting agreements are structured.

Grounds for sole decision-making in Canada

Courts generally prefer that both parents remain involved in a child's life. Sole decision-making is considered when there are serious family violence, abuse, or neglect concerns; severe substance abuse or mental health issues that directly affect the parent's capacity to care for the child safely; a persistent pattern of one parent undermining the child's relationship with the other parent; or extreme, unresolvable conflict that is causing measurable harm to the child.

Even when sole decision-making is granted, judges still try to preserve meaningful parenting time with both parents when it is safe to do so. A court order for sole decision-making does not mean the other parent disappears, it means one parent holds authority over major decisions.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Best Interests of the Child

How parenting arrangements are decided

Agreement first

The majority of separated parents in Canada reach a parenting arrangement without going to court. The process typically starts with negotiation between the parents directly, or with the help of a mediator. The result is a parenting plan or separation agreement that sets out parental responsibility for decision-making, a parenting time schedule, communication expectations, and how disputes will be handled. This parenting agreement can then be filed with the court as a consent order to make it legally enforceable.

A detailed co-parenting agreement is worth the effort. Plans that address holidays, school routines, health decisions, transportation, and how to handle changes tend to produce far less conflict down the road than vague or incomplete arrangements. It’s important to note that courts are unlikely to overturn the parent's agreement with respect to parenting decisions, unless there is clear evidence that it is not in a child's best interest.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Family Dispute Resolution

Court only when necessary

The court decides parenting issues when parents cannot agree, when there are safety concerns or serious allegations that require judicial oversight, or when one parent is blocking contact or making unilateral decisions. Courts rely on the "best interests of the child" standard, not on who is to blame for the relationship breakdown. The process can take 12 to 24 months or longer for contested matters, which is one reason most family law professionals encourage parents to explore negotiation or mediation first.

Source: Ontario — Family Mediation

Changing parenting arrangements over time

Parenting arrangements are not set in stone. Children grow, needs shift, and circumstances change. Post-divorce parenting often requires adjustments as family dynamics evolve.

A modification generally requires what the courts call a "material change in circumstances": something significant that was not anticipated when the original arrangement was made. Common examples include a parent relocating to a new city, a meaningful change in work schedules, emerging safety concerns or significant health changes, or a child whose needs and preferences have evolved with age.

Changes can be made by mutual agreement (documented in a revised parenting plan and filed with the court), through mediation, or by application to the court if no agreement is possible. It is risky to rely on informal, unwritten changes. If a dispute arises later, only what is in writing and filed with the court can be enforced.

Source: Steps to Justice — Parenting Plan Checklist

Common myths and mistakes

Here are some more common misunderstandings where it comes to co parenting:

"Mothers always get custody.” Canadian family law is gender-neutral. Courts assess both parents equally based on the child's needs, history of care, and each parent's involvement. Many courts favour shared parenting when it is appropriate and safe.

"If I'm a 'better' parent, I'll get the kids." Whether the arrangement is joint custody, shared parenting, or sole decision-making, courts evaluate best interests, not which parent is "better." Consistent involvement, stability, and a willingness to support the child's relationship with both parents matter more than competing for a label.

"My child can decide where to live." Children's views do matter, but they are one factor among many, and there is no age in Canada where a child simply decides.

"If I get full custody, the other parent disappears." Courts almost always preserve parenting time even when safety is at issue. In such cases the courts prefer to implement extra safety procedures rather than terminating parenting time completely.

"If my ex has a new partner, I can stop visits." Not automatically. A new relationship alone is not grounds for changing a parenting arrangement unless the new partner poses a genuine risk to the child.

"If my ex doesn't pay child support, they lose access." Parenting time and child support are separate legal issues, enforced separately. You cannot withhold one because of the other.

"If I move away, I can just take the kids." Mobility is a complex, high-stakes issue in family law. Relocating with your child generally requires the other parent's consent or a court order.

Source: Lexpert — How Does Sole Custody in Canada Work?

Practical tools, checklists, and supports

A parenting plan checklist is one of the most practical tools available. The Government of Canada publishes a free template that covers decision-making, schedules, holidays, communication rules, and dispute resolution. It is a strong starting point for any family. The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) provides specific parenting plan resources through several of its provincial chapters. See the links below.

A "how are the kids doing?" self-check can also help. Pay attention to how your child is doing at school, whether their sleep has changed, their general mood, and whether they are maintaining friendships and activities. If you are unsure whether changes in behaviour are normal adjustment or something more, trust your instinct and seek support. A depression test or mental health screening through your family doctor is a reasonable step if your child seems to be struggling beyond the expected adjustment period, and self tests for parents are available through organizations like the Canadian Mental Health Association.

Parenting after separation classes are available in many provinces and are sometimes required by courts. These programs cover communication, child-focused planning, and how to reduce conflict. Child-focused counselling, family therapy, parenting coaches, and school supports (teachers, guidance counsellors) are all valuable — and online therapy options have made access easier for families in rural or remote areas. Encourage yourself to seek help early, rather than waiting for problems to escalate.

Source: Department of Justice Canada — Parenting Plan Checklist
Source: Alberta Parenting Plan Guide & Template
Source: Ontario Parenting Plan Guide and Template
Source: British Columbia Parenting Plan Guide

Co-parenting apps and tools

When emotions run high, technology can help keep communication on track. A co-parenting app provides a centralized space for messaging (with a time-stamped, unalterable record), shared calendars for parenting schedules, school events, and activities, and expense tracking and documentation for shared costs.

Several tools are widely used in Canada. You can find a detailed overview in our blog Top 7 Co-Parenting Apps for Better Communication and Simple Scheduling. You’ll find a review of the following co-parenting apps:

OurFamilyWizard is the most recognized by courts and legal professionals, and it is available in French.
Talking Parents offers a free desktop version with secure, uneditable messaging.
2houses provides Canadian-dollar pricing and document-sharing features.
AppClose and BestInterest are newer options with strong reviews.
Fayr
Cozi works well for low-conflict families who primarily need a shared calendar.
Cent

When choosing an app, consider ease of use, cost, whether both parents are comfortable with the technology, and whether the platform is recognized by courts or mediators in your province. Some parenting coordinators and family lawyers actively recommend specific apps, so it is worth asking.

That said, no app replaces the underlying attitude. Tools help, but the real work of effective co-parenting happens in how you choose to show up for your child every day, in both homes.

Source: Family TLC — Co-Parenting Apps

How to reach a parenting agreement that works for everyone

Mediation gives both parents a structured, supported space to work through parenting time, decision-making, and co-parenting plans together, without the pressure or adversarial dynamic that can come with other paths. Done well, it keeps the focus where it belongs: on your children.

The Fairway Method™ goes further than traditional mediation. Through a step-by-step process designed specifically for Canadian families, it addresses parenting arrangements as part of a complete resolution — one that covers your whole situation, not just a single issue. Over 7,000 families have used it to move forward with clarity and dignity.

If you'd like to understand what that process looks like before committing to anything, a no-cost introduction meeting is a good place to start.

Book a Free Introduction Meeting

Resources for further reading

Frequently asked questions

At Fairway, we understand that facing a divorce is daunting, bringing mixed emotions and many questions. We are committed to ensuring that you have the knowledge and tools to move through the process in a way that protects your assets and your children.

See All Frequently Asked Questions

How will divorce affect my child?

Most children experience some short-term distress — sadness, confusion, or behavioural changes — but the majority adjust well within two to three years. The level of parental conflict matters far more than the divorce itself.

Who decides where my child lives after separation?

Parents can agree on parenting arrangements through negotiation or mediation. If they cannot agree, a court will decide based on the best interests of the child.

At what age can a child choose which parent to live with?

There is no specific age in Canada where a child gets to decide. Courts consider a child's views and preferences as one factor among many, with more weight given to older, more mature children.

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents that sets out parenting time schedules, decision-making responsibilities, communication rules, and how disputes will be resolved. It can be filed with the court to become enforceable.

What is co-parenting vs. parallel parenting?

Co-parenting involves collaboration and regular communication between parents. Parallel parenting minimizes direct contact and is designed for high-conflict situations where interaction between parents tends to escalate. Both approaches keep children connected to both parents.

Can I move to another city with my child?

Generally, no — not without the other parent's consent or a court order. Relocation is one of the most contentious parenting issues in Canadian family law.

Do I need a child custody lawyer?

It is not always required, but legal advice is strongly recommended when there are safety concerns, high conflict, complex parenting arrangements, or when the other parent has legal representation.

What if my ex doesn't follow the parenting plan?

Document every instance and try to resolve it through communication or mediation first. If the problem continues, you can apply to court for enforcement. A detailed court order is easier to enforce than a vague one.